First of all, I apologize for this late posting, but I bring you a peace offering in the form of wit. At least, I hope you find it witty and not just a feeble attempt at humor. I was so excited for the premiere of Teen Mom 2, since this was my first time having the pleasure (?) of “meeting” the new Teen Moms.
Leah Messer started dating Corey. A month later, she was pregnant with twins. That has to suck. However, it really sucked for Corey when she cheated on him with her ex-boyfriend Robbie. Corey ends up breaking up with her and Leah decides to spend the rest of her life in fantasy land where she’s still dating Corey. Seriously. She pretty much pretends her and Corey are still a couple for the entire episode. She has this really awkward “Talk” with him to try to get back with him and he won’t hear of it, since she was all up in her ex’s business and he isn’t going to put up with that.
That didn’t matter to Leah, though, since she invited Corey to her graduation and seemed surprised he didn’t show up. I admit he could have at least texted her back, but she’s like, “He would have been there if this was important to him.” What part of “ex-boyfriend” doesn’t she get? I’m guessing the “ex” part. It doesn’t even seem like they’re still friends. If they were, I could see him wanting to go. (I would like to point out here that the babies, Ali and Aleeah, looked absolutely freakin’ adorable in their dresses and hats at Leah’s graduation.)
Since fantasy land is a wonderful place for Leah, she decides to celebrate her and Corey’s “1 year anniversary that almost was” by inviting him over for dinner at a time when he’s supposed to pick up the babies. He agrees to it. Then they proceed to eat dinner together while having another awkward conversation. When he tells her that his bed is uncomfortable, she’s all subtle (note the sarcasm) by being like, “You can lay in my bed.” Then I have to laugh my ass off because he’s all, “I don’t know who’s laid in that bed.” Oooh, low blow there, buddy. I think Leah and Corey may end up back together at some point honestly. He says how he still needs time, but he doesn’t say, “Get out of my face, bitch!” So I think she may wear him down eventually. Anyway, she got him a card and baked him an anniversary cake. Welcome back to fantasy land!
Kailyn Lowry and her son, Isaac, live with boyfriend, Jo, and his family, because her mother is a real piece of work. Kailyn’s mom’s philosophy in life is, “Absence makes the heart grow fonder, so let me leave.” I’m not kidding. She actually said that. However, Kailyn and Jo have been having some problems of their own. Kailyn thinks Jo is really controlling, but mostly because he dictates where she’s allowed to go since she has to rely on him for his car. I would hate that. If I don’t have my car at my disposal, my head starts spinning around and I foam at the mouth. Since she has a job (albeit a part-time one) and lives with her boyfriend’s mother, she should probably suck it up and buy a used car to get her from Point A to Point B. I can not live without my car!!!! Okay, I’ll calm down now. So, anyway, Kailyn and Jo argue a ton and then Jo breaks up with her leaving her high and dry.
Kailyn meets her mom at a fast food place and tells her the situation, hoping her mom would let her stay with her. Her mother doesn’t even suggest such a thing. I guess having her daughter and grandson living with her would cramp her style. And you would expect that Kailyn’s mother had Kailyn at a young and is now living the childhood she was robbed of, but if you ask me, her mother looks pretty old, so I think she’s just kind of crazy. Either that or completely clueless and didn’t realize Kailyn was asking for help. Honestly, I think Kailyn should have come right out and asked instead of hinted. Since Kailyn still had no place to live, she asks Jo’s mother, Janet, if she can live in their basement, because that wouldn’t be awkward or anything. Janet agrees to it, which I’m pretty sure is only because of Isaac even though she doesn’t come right out and say that. So now Kailyn is living in Jo’s basement, which he is not happy about at all. She doesn’t seem all that happy about it either, things are really tense in the house, which I can totally understand.
But lo and behold, one day after work, one of Kailyn’s co-workers, Jordan, follows her out of the store and asks her out. She tells him maybe, because she can’t even think about dating right now. It all seems very contrived to me, like the producers planned it or something. They were probably like, “Hey, Kailyn needs some drama, since showing her sitting on her bed in the basement for 20 minutes is getting kind of boring.”
Chelsea Houska had baby Aubree with her boyfriend (now ex), Adam. Adam was a real winner. Just take a look at this text:
Chelsea’s big news is that she’s moving out. She also has the most awesome dad ever, since he agreed to pay her rent as long as she keeps up with her schoolwork. She’s moving into a house with her friend, Megan, who quickly becomes Aubree’s honorary father. This whole situation looks doomed. While they’re moving in, Aubree takes a massive dump and it runs down her legs and up her back. I’m so glad I wasn’t eating when I was watching that. Chelsea calls her mother to bring her soap and extra pants. It’s mom to the rescue! Later, when Chelsea’s internet won’t work, she decides it would be a great idea to go clothes shopping with Megan instead of trying to figure out what’s wrong with her internet and finish her schoolwork. Good thing her dad didn’t see that.
So they’re shopping and Chelsea’s friend, Chris, calls her up and asks her out on a date. Megan agrees to watch Aubree while Chelsea is out getting her groove on. On their way to the restaurant, Chelsea is already batting zero by talking to Chris about diarrhea. The look on his face is priceless. Now, I have a kid and have dealt with diarrhea obviously, but even I would probably have that same look on my face if someone I was with started talking candidly about it.
At the restaurant, Chris is watching the game on the TV over Chelsea’s shoulder, which is kind of rude if he keeps staring at it and ignoring her. But he says he’s just checking the score, which I totally get. But she’s all, “Zomg, stop watching the game!” and she doesn’t let up on it. To get back at him (which is kind of funny), she starts texting Megan to see how Aubree’s doing. So he’s watching the game and she’s texting Megan, which is getting them both annoyed. Ah, young lust. Needless to say, the date’s a bust.
When Chelsea is talking to her dad later (and I totally love her dad), she’s telling him how she wants a happily ever after and dating at her age with a baby is really hard. She even admits she misses Adam, even though he’s a douchebag.
Ah, Jenelle Evans. She’s Farrah and Amber rolled into one. Jenelle and baby Jace live with her mom, Barbara. Jace’s father is Andrew, Jenelle’s ex, who is currently modeling in China. I shit you not. I totally lawled at that.
Jenelle loves to go out and leave Jace at home with her mother. This leaves Barbara thinking she’s Jace’s mother and that Jenelle is basically shit. I am so torn on this, because Jenelle does seem really lazy at times, like when Barbara is mixing Jace’s bottles and Jenelle is in bed sawing logs. But, at other times, Barbara seems very overbearing and a bit of a hard ass. Honestly. She keeps taking Jace away from Jenelle and not even giving her a chance and she’s constantly nagging Jenelle about how much she goes out and when Jenelle tells her that she doesn’t go out that much, Barbara is like, “You went out Saturday…” This is where it gets kind of funny, because Jenelle is all, “Duhhh, it’s Saturday night! Of course I go out on Saturdays” and then she says to us, “I don’t see what the big deal is if my mom is here to watch him.”
So after Jenelle’s done riding mechanical bulls and her mother is trying to be Super Mom, Jenelle is on the internet, no doubt updating her Facebook page about all her wild antics and how much her mom sucks, Barbara unplugs the internet. Oooooooh!!! No, she di’nt! They get into this huge “discussion,” which is a mild way of saying “Jenelle used every word in the book and practically clawed her mother’s eyes out.” Barbara ends up kicking Jenelle out and she leaves and goes to stay with friends for awhile.
When she comes back home, she’s served a Citation to appear in court. Her mother is suing her for custody, which causes another huge blow-up. Personally, I think they both have issues. Major issues. Poor Jace doesn’t stand a chance.