Teen Mom – “You must have done something really bad.”

I hate to say “I told you so,” Maci, but I told you so.  I just had to tell it to you a lot sooner than I thought.

MACI

 Maci, Kyle, and Bentley are now one big happy family.  Or are they?  Kyle and Bentley seem very enamored with each other anyway.

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But when Maci asks Kyle to come over to help her potty train Bentley (and what boyfriend doesn’t love to help potty train his girlfriend’s kid?), he seems distant and only stays for about 2 seconds before he hits the sack.  Maci is annoyed by how little time she can Kyle have spent together since she moved to Nashville.  She took the Summer off from work, but now she appears to be at the bottom of his priority list.  Maci is starting to wonder if moving to Nashville was such a good idea.  Everyone tried to tell her this.  Me, her parents, her friends with the evil death stares…everyone.  But she was determined to move.  Can you say “rebound?”  I also don’t think Kyle realized what  it takes to be an instant father figure.  He most likely wasn’t ready for that role.

One day when Bentley is with Ryan, Maci calls Kyle and asks to spend the evening with him.  He doesn’t seem excited at that prospect at all.  In fact, he sounds as if he’d rather watch paint dry.  Then watch it peel.  Then repaint everything.  I think we know what’s coming.

She ends up twisting his arm and he comes over to talk.

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He tells her that they went from being 2 hours apart to her “being in (his) pocket 24/7.”  In other words, he wants to be single.  Yeah, that’s right.  I can read between the lines, Kyle.  Then he’s like, “well, we tried,” to which Maci gives him the evil death stare she learned from her friends.

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They’re done for.  He says “bye” and leaves, but she doesn’t even answer him. 

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She later tells her friends that she’ll be staying in Nashville anyway, because it forces her to be independent.  She doesn’t have anyone to fall back on.  Yes!  We have our Maci back!

FARRAH

Farrah gets the lab results back from the paternity test.  With a 99.6527% accuracy, Derek is Sophia’s father.  After Farrah finds this out, she meets with Jon, her lawyer, to let him know, then she meets with Derek’s sister, Kassy,” for dinner.  They reminisce about Derek and how much they miss him and then the waterworks start again.

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It kind of looks like she’s in a space station and not a restaurant.

When she meets with her parents, Debra and Michael, to tell them the news, she is met with pessimism from Debra like always.  The $236.00 per month Farrah will be getting will be “enough to buy a few diapers.”  She’s probably right (diapers are expensive!), but at least show some support to your daughter once in awhile, even if she does act like a disrespectful little nitwit most of the time.

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Debra is also really pessimistic about Farrah meeting up with Kassy occasionally.  She seems to really not want this to happen, acting as if they’ll never have the time.  Umm, what?  What does that have to do with the price of tea in China?  It’s off to therapy they go!

I’m not kidding either.  They go back to Dina, Farrah’s therapist.

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At first it seems like a good session.  Debra says how much Farrah matured and that she’s becoming a good mom, but when Farrah starts talking about how much she misses Derek, Debra turns into a crazy person.  She doesn’t think Farrah should miss Derek since they were broken up at the time of his death.

Dina doesn’t like to hear this.  She tells Debra that Farrah is trying to share her grief, but Debra keeps trying to talk her out of it.  That was all Debra needed to hear.  She apologizes to Farrah.  No wonder Farrah keeps taking Debra to Dina.  The woman works miracles!

Next we have a really touching moment.  Farrah takes Sophia to the park she used to go to with Derek.  They go on a boat ride and she tells Sophia that she’s the second person she did went on the boat ride with.  Can I get a collective “awwwwww?”

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AMBER

Shockingly, Amber and Gary aren’t back together yet.  It’s been one whole week!  This is like their longest break up ever.  Gary is staying with his brother, Robert, where he states, “In one week, I lost my girl, my house, and 30 pounds.”  So I guess Gary is on the Break Up Diet, which, in my experience, is the most effective diet to be on.  Meanwhile, Amber is getting her nails done with her cousin, Krystal.  She tells Krystal that she has a date with some guy she met at Wal-Mart.  Hey, didn’t Gary meet someone at Wal-Mart once too?  Either they spend an awful lot of time at Wal-Mart or it’s their local hook-up spot.  Krystal’s all, “Don’t let him be your rebound!!!.”

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I think it’s a little too late for that.

When Amber gets home, she calls Gary and apologizes for hitting him and she wants to see Leah, so she orders him to bring Leah to her.  He does, because Gary is whipped.

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While he’s dropping her off, Amber tells Gary she’s met someone at Wal-Mart.  He’s understandably upset that she moved on so fast that he takes off without saying much else.  He goes back to his brother’s house and starts singing the blues.

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He tells his brother’s girlfriend that he wants to get Amber flowers and tell her he loves her.  The girlfriend is like, “Uh, yeah, dude, not a good idea.”  But he does it anyway, because he’s a chump.  There.  I said it.  Gary’s a chump.

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While he’s at the flower shop ordering “monster” flowers, Amber calls him up to ask him to take Leah, since she’s going on her date that night.  He tells her that he’ll be there soon, but he’s doing something first.  She pretty much flips a nutty and starts screaming at him.  He keeps his cool, because he doesn’t want the flower shop lady to know just how crazy he is.  He saves the tears for later when he picks Leah up.

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Poor Gary.

Now we get to meet Amber’s date, Chris!  She has to pick him up, which leads me to believe he probably doesn’t have a car.  The red flags are going up already.

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He seems very slimy.  Then we find out he is slimy.  He’s a felon.  He’s on “work release,” which is basically jail for people who need to keep their jobs.  Then he gets all smooth talking, telling Amber that the best day of his life was the day he met her.  Even Amber thinks that’s insane.

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But then he makes it all better by telling her he loves the fact she has a child.  She doesn’t appear to believe him, but that doesn’t stop her from macking on him.

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Ew.

The next day, Amber gets the flowers, balloons, and card from the florist.  Actually, some random kids drop it off.  I don’t know if the florist delivery person heard about Amber and was scared to go to her door, and just paid some kids walking by to do the dirty work for him, or what. 

amberflowers

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Yup.  Gary’s a chump.  And I like how the florist spells “recently.”

When Gary drops Leah back off with Amber, he tries to apologize in person yet again.

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I’m getting really frustrated at this point.  GARY, YOU DON’T NEED HER!!!!!  Grrrrrrrr.

She tells him that she’s dating someone now, but fails to mention he’s a con, which is funny since she got all up in Gary’s business before about who he dates.  Gary realizes his groveling is pointless, so he takes off.  Leah follows him to the door, crying. 

leahcry

Other than the fact that’s sometimes a lazy slob and that he’s a chump, Gary seems to be a really good father.  Leah always gets upset when he leaves.  When she’s with Amber, she’s all, “Mom is boring.  She just lays there and hits people.”  Well, that’s what she would say if she could talk.

 

CATELYNN

While Catelynn is driving around with Tyler, who’s looking pretty fly (for a white guy), she gets a call from their adoption agent, DawnDawn wants to meet them at a restaurant because she has some news.

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When they get there, Dawn tells them that Brandon and Theresa, Carly’s adoptive parents, are going to West Virginia on a business trip and want Tyler and Catelynn to meet them there.  Understandably, they are very excited, since they usually only get to see Carly once a year.  They go home and try to finish their scrapbook to take with them.  It looks like Tyler and Catelynn started dating when Tyler was 10, even though they say it’s 7th grade.  Seriously.  He looked 10.

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Then Catelynn makes a huge mistake.  She decides to call her mother, April, to let her in on the good news.  April practically has a heart attack and starts screaming at Catelynn right away about how she’s only 2 minutes away from the house and can’t she wait????

Once April gets to the house, however, she makes a beeline for the computer and ignores Catelynn completely.  This surprises me for 2 reasons.  1) She has the same desk I do (note to self: get a new desk STAT), and 2) she can afford a computer.

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Catelynn starts telling April about the good news again and April just spits out, “I know, Catelynn!  You already told me!”  This is the person Amber should be slapping, not Gary.  While Catelynn is with her brother, Nick, in another room, April comes in and gives her an outfit for Carly and I’m hit with a little bit of hope.

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Then April sits down and they get into another fight about how she had no choice in the matter when Catelynn decided to give her granddaughter away, blah, blah.  Yeah, because Carly would do great in that hostile environment.  Nick has seen enough and is like, “See ya guys!” and books it down the hall.  Smart boy.

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Catelynn goes crying to Tyler and Tyler speaks his words of wisdom again.  I’m glad he’s thinking of taking psychology in college.  I really think he’d be good at it.  Catelynn calms down, goes back inside, and gives her mother a hug.

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They share some kind words and Catelynn tells her mother she loves her.  April actually responds with “I love you too” and it seems sincere.  Not biting sarcasm like in the past.  I just about fell out of my chair.  Catelynn and Tyler are all sorts of awesome.  Catelynn just needs to get out of that house!

8 comments

  1. Megan says:

    When dh and I were watching, I told him Catelynn is the one who needs to be adopted (and in fact, we should adopt her!). I just want to slap the crap out of April every time she opens her mouth. There isn’t a bigger beotch around.

    Can’t believe next week is the season finale, booooooo!

  2. Melinda says:

    Omg, Megan, April is a nightmare! I don’t get how Catelynn hasn’t lost control and punched her yet. :p

  3. Ruthie says:

    I actually liked Kyle. I was sooo pissed off when he broke up with Maci! Why convince her to move, help her move, and then dump her?? I have to agree with Melinda – too much too fast!

    And I would adopt Catelynn too!! Tyler as well!!

  4. Erica says:

    OMG! I love this post! (again) It is coming from my own head again.

    I really hope that Maci gets herself together but I don’t like the gossip about her being back with Ryan. Say it ain’t so!!!!

    I am happy for Farrah that she got the test results and will get the money. Her mom though! Gawd! Be supportive, lady!

    Amber and Gary…. OMG! LMAO! But where did he loss 30 lbs? Doesn’t look like it. Whoops that was mean. You forgot about how the brother’s girlfriend asked Gary, “Are you just going to lay around?” or something like that…. basically saying “Dude, you’re lazy!”

    Tyler is pretty fly for a white guy. I feel sooo bad for Catelynn… maybe they can hook Amber and Catelynn up so Amber can practice her “self-defense” Can’t wait to see them with Carly!

  5. Melinda says:

    Kyle was a good guy, I agree. I just didn’t like how Maci moved so fast to be near him.

    I had the same thought, Erica, about Gary losing 30 lbs! I think he fudged the number a little bit. 😉

  6. dd says:

    Esh thank god Caitlin got braces. I’m shocked her mother would actually pay for them. I guess she has a gambling addiction. Along with whatever else. Caitlin said her mom ‘was’ an alcoholic to the adoption counselor. With the way her and her white trash, mullet wearing husband Butch look and act I thought they were crackheads. Plus, Amber smokes 24/7 in the house and you always see Caitlin’s young brother standing an inch from it.

  7. Melinda says:

    Ugh, April annoys me so much! It’s a miracle Catelynn turned out to be a good kid.

  8. […] sure she took this opportunity to get all dolled up because you never know if you’ll meet the man of your dreams in jail.  The only bad part about this is I don’t think MTV was recording the events for the next […]

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