Itsyoursexlife.org put out a Public Service Announcement telling all about the joys of cuddling. Now, I have a few things to say about this:

1. The original Teen Moms! I totally missed them!
2. Why is Maci blonde? I’m not sure how I feel about that. What do you think?
3. They probably were cuddling at first. Cuddling leads to other things, which leads to having babies, which leads to starring in television shows. I’m just joking, kids. Don’t try this at home.

The most exciting news about this: Teen Mom is coming back for a third season, which premieres July 5th, and they’re already signed up for a fourth season too! At this point though, they’re no longer teens. In fact, they’re now about the same age I was when I became a mom. I don’t know about you, but I think I mostly miss Ryan. He kind of reminds me of Adam from Teen Mom 2, except that Ryan is actually likeable.

As an additional thought, Teen Mom names are taking over. The most popular baby names of 2010 have been released and Bentley (Maci and Ryan’s son) is at spot 101, and Maci is at 232. Sophia (Farrah’s daughter) is at number 2, but I’m pretty sure that’s been up there for a long time. What name is your favorite?

Look, I understand having a baby with a complete lunatic, but your 15 minutes are up, and no random tweets about your love life (or lack thereof) will change that.   You want to get back in the news?  Do something entertaining, like start dating someone like Leah, I hear she’s single.

Amber Portwood Mugshot

People Magazine is reporting the ever-so-lovely Amber Portwood has been officially arrested and is being held in jail for 24 hours after turning herself in.  A warrant was issued for her arrest yesterday, and I’m sure she took this opportunity to get all dolled up because you never know if you’ll meet the man of your dreams in jail.  The only bad part about this is I don’t think MTV was recording the events for the next season.  It would have been great to see Amber go to jail and come out with a few guys phone numbers, then watch as she speed dates when they’re released.

Oh well, maybe her next arrest.  Anyway, details of the story:

“Domestic battery has an automatic 24 hold,” an officer at the Madison County jail in Anderson, Ind., where Portwood is being held told PEOPLE. “Even if someone pays your bond, you still have to wait 24 hours to be released.”

Earlier on Monday, Portwood was charged by the Madison County prosecutor with three felonies, including two counts of domestic battery and one count of neglect of a dependent. She was also charged with one misdemeanor charge of domestic battery. She was booked at 4:21 p.m. and bail was set at $5,000.

Enjoy your time in jail, Amber.  I hope this is a little reality check for you.  Probably not, though.

Now that Teen Mom’s Amber Portwood is realizing she could actually be in trouble for beating the shit out of her boyfriend, Gary Shirley, it’s time for the excuses to fly.  In an interview with National Enquirer (realize source here), an “insider” was quoted as saying:

“Amber knows she needs a good defense, and reality show producers are known to stage scenes, so she thinks it’s believable.

“She says that the producers were concerned because they don’t get much drama from the other moms.

“They told her that she and Gary were the most popular couple on the show and that they would pay her extra to provoke a fight. Amber says Gary didn’t know about it because they wanted a ‘spontaneous’ reaction from him.”

Even if this story is true, I’m not buying it at all.  Amber is a head case, and she’s been in a dysfunctional relationship with Gary for as long as the show has aired, and we’re supposed to suddenly believe that she took money to be what she already is, crazy!  Amber and Gary may be the most popular part of the show, but I don’t think MTV needs to pay Amber any extra to get it like that.   They saw gold in her during 16 and Pregnant which is why she was selected to do the Teen Mom show.  To think they would need to pay her to be crazy is like saying they pay “The Situation” to be sleazy, or “Snookie” to be skanky.  Shit like that just comes natural for them, as does Ambers behavior.

In case you were wondering what’s going on with the couple we love to hate, look no further!  It seems Teen Mom’s very own Gary Shirley is out spending money like he’s Oprah.  He’s dropping coin on a boys’ weekend, on furniture, on a new car, despite the fact that he has a suspended license and will only be able to look at it collecting dust in his driveway, not to mention more little (okay, big) gifts for himself.  Poor Leah got the shaft when he only spent a measly $200.00 on birthday presents for her.  I guess it’s all relative, since I don’t think $200.00 is anything to sneeze at for a 2 year old’s birthday.  He could have at least bought Leah a new car, like a pink Hummer.  Basically, Gary is acting like a lot of other guys his age would when they find themselves with a lot of money.  Maybe he feels he deserves it after getting beat up by his girlfriend every week.  Regardless the reason, I know what I’m doing Sunday.  Heading over to Gary’s place to watch football on his new 82-inch 3D HDTV.

Source: Radaronline.com

baby back ribsMmmmmm… baby back ribs!  A much better sight than seeing Amber Portwood, so this is the banner picture I’m going to use for this blog.

Ok, so Teen Mom’s Amber Portwood didn’t hang out at Chili’s over the weekend, although I’m sure she would have loved to.   The title was talking about how the courts gave her baby, Leah, back to her after she lost custody for a week.   Even though the viewers of Teen Mom got to view how crappy of a person Amber appears to be, and how much her on-again-off-again boyfriend Gary Shirley appears to love Leah greatly, the courts decided it would be best for the baby to be with her mother instead of her loving father.

She is on thin ice, but nobody really knows if it’s “Lindsay Lohan” type of thin ice where the courts are full of empty threats, or it’s “Willie Nelson” type of thin ice where he’s looking at prison time for possessing weed.  Only time will tell because if you’ve ever watched an episode of Teen Mom,  you’d know Amber is a spoiled brat and it’s only a matter of time till she does something dumb again that gets her in trouble with the courts.  My only hope is MTV captures it on video so we can watch her like we’d watch a train wreck in progress.

source: Radar Online

We haven’t had any Teen Mom news in awhile!  I only wish it could be about something more fun than this.  Remember when it was reported that Amber Portwood would be under investigation, because she’s always bitch slapping (and punching and kicking and choking…) her boyfriend, Gary Shirley, around?  I honestly didn’t think anything would come of it.  It turns out I was wrong.  I guess there’s a first time for everything.  Since Amber and Gary’s daughter, Leah, was present during a couple of the instances, Amber was charged with two felonies and a misdemeanor for domestic violence and battery.  If Amber is convicted, she could face up to 3 years in jail and up to $10,000.00 in fines.  Leah is currently living with Gary, while Amber is dating someone else.  I wonder if she started dating Wal-Mart felon guy again after she and Gary broke up for the 683rd time.  If she is, then it’s a match made in heaven.

Source: HollywoodLife.com

Teen dad Gary Shirley never fails to make it into the news, whether he’s being beat up by his one true love, Amber Portwood, or whether he’s smooching on someone he no doubt met at Wal-Mart.  Amber’s dad, Shawn Portwood, reported that the on-again, off-again couple are “kaput” for good.  Of course, Mr. Portwood sticks up for his daughter physically abusing her boyfriend by saying:

“There was a lot behind the scenes that wasn’t shown that would explain how she got to that point,” Shawn told us. “They didn’t show what he did to instigate that. All you have to do is watch the show and see what he says. ‘I’m taking the kid…I’m taking her forever.’ He held Leah over her head.”

He held Leah over her head, so he deserves to be beaten to a bloody pulp.  Now we know where Amber gets her mentality from.

But, wait!  There’s more!  Gary has already been seen canoodling with another woman.  Gary and a mystery woman were spotted at Peppers, a club in an Indianapolis suburb, lost in their own little world.  My best guess is that she’s looking for her 15 minutes of fame and Gary’s looking for someone who isn’t completely psychotic.

Source: Radaronline

Sigh.  The season 2 finale.  I don’t know about you, but I’m really going to miss Maci, Farrah, Amber, Catelynn, and their crazy adventures.  But never fear!  I just did a little bit of research and found out there will, in fact, be a season 3.  Hmm, I wonder if they’ll change the name to Young Adult Mom or perhaps Early 20’s Mom.

I almost don’t want to post this recap, because that means it’s really over.  I may sound melodramatic, but I’ve actually grown to really care about these people.  It’s hard to believe that it wasn’t too long ago when I refused to watch it, telling my boyfriend, “I can’t watch a show about teen mothers!  I’m going to have a teenage daughter in a few years!  It’s way too scary.”  That was before I really knew anything about the show and how it doesn’t glamorize teen pregnancy at all, but shows the hardships and struggles teen parents face.

Okay, I’m stepping off my soapbox now.  Onto the show!

CATELYNN

Catelynn and Tyler are taking an 8 hour drive out to West Virginia to visit Carly.  They haven’t seen her in a year, so this is a big deal.  However, they both admit they feel “blank” and not excited or nervous.

Tyler driving

Tyler looking all bad ass

On their way to West Virginia, Catelynn’s mom, April, calls and is all, “I love you guys.  Don’t forget about me!”  Umm, what?  How could they forget about her?  They should, but I think she kind of makes that impossible.  As they get closer to West Virginia, they admit they’re starting to feel a little nervous.  They also seem pretty excited.  Then they have this long discussion about if they should ask Brandon and Teresa if they can hold Carly.  Tyler does his therapist thing where he gives the other viewpoint, by saying to Catelynn that he wants Brandon and Teresa to feel totally comfortable and not that they’re trying to hone in on their territory.

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I hate to say “I told you so,” Maci, but I told you so.  I just had to tell it to you a lot sooner than I thought.

MACI

 Maci, Kyle, and Bentley are now one big happy family.  Or are they?  Kyle and Bentley seem very enamored with each other anyway.

kylebentleypool

But when Maci asks Kyle to come over to help her potty train Bentley (and what boyfriend doesn’t love to help potty train his girlfriend’s kid?), he seems distant and only stays for about 2 seconds before he hits the sack.  Maci is annoyed by how little time she can Kyle have spent together since she moved to Nashville.  She took the Summer off from work, but now she appears to be at the bottom of his priority list.  Maci is starting to wonder if moving to Nashville was such a good idea.  Everyone tried to tell her this.  Me, her parents, her friends with the evil death stares…everyone.  But she was determined to move.  Can you say “rebound?”  I also don’t think Kyle realized what  it takes to be an instant father figure.  He most likely wasn’t ready for that role.

One day when Bentley is with Ryan, Maci calls Kyle and asks to spend the evening with him.  He doesn’t seem excited at that prospect at all.  In fact, he sounds as if he’d rather watch paint dry.  Then watch it peel.  Then repaint everything.  I think we know what’s coming.

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