There are two things I hate in life: mushrooms and being wrong.

Last night, it was down to the wire between Cory Baxter (also known as Kyle Massey) and The Hoff (the man, the myth, the legend).  Notice Margaret Cho wasn’t on the Platform of Doom. 


 It looks like there are people who appreciate her comedic talents on the dance floor.  Don’t get me wrong…I think Ms. Cho is a good comedienne.  I just feel like I should be right all the time.

So last night, America said good-bye to……….(drumroll please)…………..

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Welcome to Season 11 of Dancing with the Stars (and Bristol Palin)!  I don’t know about you, but Dancing with the Stars always makes me want to take up Ballroom Dancing.  But since stevebeans always looks at me like I have eggplants sprouting from my ears whenever I mention it, dancing around in my living room to Lady Gaga is probably the closest I’ll ever get.

Tonight’s dances were the Cha Cha….


and the Viennese Waltz.

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I shamedly admit I haven't watched Dancing with the Stars on a regular basis since the first season where John O'Hurley repeatedly made me laugh with his facial expressions.  That man could cut a rug!  I did catch a couple of episodes featuring Mario Lopez (Slater!), because he's, well…..HE'S MARIO LOPEZ!  Boy, was I ever surprised to find out we're in season 11.  11!  I excitedly checked out the cast lineup and felt slight disappointment when I saw the list.  I didn't see Zack Morris anywhere.

Representing the ladies:

Jennifer Grey – No one is putting Baby in the corner.  In fact, they're putting Baby on stage and hoping she can still dance.

Brandy – She can sing, but can she dance?  Let's hope so.

Florence Henderson – I would be lying if I said I wasn't excited about seeing Carol Brady strut her stuff.  "Ohhh, Mike." 

Audrina Patridge – Now, I don't know anything about The Hills beyond Heidi and Spencer, but apparently Audrina wasn't doing anything, so she thought, "Sure, why not?  Maybe I'll get to meet Zach Morris."  Sorry, Audrina, we all wish that.

Umm…nice outfit, Audrina, but I think you forgot your pants.

Margaret Cho – If her dancing isn't up to par, maybe she can crack some jokes to get us all to forget her performance.  You just know she's going to do that.

Bristol Palin – Bristol Palin is a star?  Since when?  Personally, I'd rather see her momma out there.

Now for the men:

Kyle Massey – As far as I'm concerned, Kyle will always be Raven's obnoxious little brother on That's So Raven.  I half expect him to start picking on his dance partner.

Rick Fox – The first of our two athletes is an L.A. Lakers legend.  Not knowing much about basketball myself, I figured I should do my research.  A quick Google search informed me that he has been linked to both Vanessa Williams and Eliza Dushku.  Not bad, Rick.  Not bad at all.

Kurt Warner – Not quite the Quarterback I want to see, but I guess Tom Brady is busy playing football or something.

Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino – One has to wonder what situation he is talking about.  Maybe Snooki knows.

Everyone!  Look at my abs!

Michael Bolton – YES!  Yes, yes, yes!!!!!  It's about time he got the respect he deserves!

Oh, that's the wrong Michael Bolton.  What a letdown.  They mean this guy:

He's okay too, I guess. 

David Hasselhoff – Last, but certainly not least, the Hoff.


I know he's aged some since his Baywatch days, but this is just how I prefer to remember him.

Season 11 of Dancing with the Stars premieres Tuesday, September 20th.  Stay tuned!