Survivor Nicaragua – I Have Nothing Left To Suck

Kelly Purple has nothing left to suckWith the week off due to Thanksgiving, it feels like it’s been a year since I last blogged about Survivor, and we were teased with mentions of people quitting to ponder for two weeks.  The time has arrived, and we finally get to see if not one, but two contestants have decided to take the easy way out of the game.

I don’t know if Nicaragua is any better or worse than other locations, but this is the first time I can remember with this much talk of people walking off the show.  Five days in, Holly Hoffman was strongly considering saying see-ya to Jimmy Johnson and crew. Three episodes later, we had NaOnka crying about the weather and talking of quitting that bitch, then the very next episode it was Dan’s time to complain and consider driving his Range Rover back up to New York and his 20 houses wearing $1,500 shoes.

Naonka crying about suffering in the rain

Wait till you're Dan's age

Then came tonight…

Like clockwork, as soon as the rain started falling, so did NaOnka’s crocodile tears about how her joints are aching and she’s suffering.  Dan’s destroyed knees are probably laughing hysterically.   Then came Kelly Purple out of nowhere talking about quitting as well. I also mean nowhere literally, in the first 15 minutes, there were more clips of Kelly talking than the entire season combined, and as I pointed out before, that’s usually not a good sign when Shy Sally suddenly starts becoming Chatty Kathy.   My words exactly:

Is this a good sign for her?   She is having the makings of a contestant you barely hear from until her one episode where the editing makes her seem all crazy and she get’s voted out, so if you suddenly see a Kelly Shinn heavy episode, and are a fan of hers, be very concerned.

So this had the makings of an “would she or wouldn’t she” episode, but this time it was double the fun.  On one hand, many people were rooting for one of the contestants to go, especially after what she did later in the show, and the other hand many were wondering.. who the fuck is this blonde girl?

With the drama on hold at least for now, teams were sent to do the reward challenge that was the theme of the new movie coming out Gulliver’s Travels, and you know what that means?  The reward will be that winners will get to have a private screening of the crappy movie, but at least they get hotdogs and candy out of the deal.

Kelly purple kicked in the face by Gulliver

Gulliver gave Kelly a parting shot

Teams were split up between the yellow team (Fabio, Sash, Jane, and Purple Kelly) and the blue team (Holly, NaOnka, Chase, and Benry) with Danny boy sitting out.  Like the last time this happened, Dan was asked to pick a team he was siding with, and if they won, he won, if they lost, he lost.  Unlike Chase, he actually chose smart and went with the king of challenges, Benry and the blue team.

Early on in the challenge, yellow got a slight lead and held on to it through two obstacles until they got snagged on the third which allowed Benry and Chase to carry Gulliver and their team through the rest of the challenge and win it for the blue.

This is when the cries for attention began and NaOnka announced to Jeff that this was her last day.  Jeff seemed a little shocked, so he asked if anyone else was quitting (kind of weird, it’s like he knew) and Kelly Purple chimed in and said she wanted to bail as well.  After a little hollow pep talk, Jeff gave them both the afternoon to think about it, then made an announcement of his own.  No, he wasn’t joining the cast of The Amazing Race 18, he said because of the camp being destroyed by fire, he was giving one person from the winning team to be a hero and sit out the worst reward of the season which will earn the tribe a tarp and tons of rice.  Naturally, this is when NaOnka steps in and says “Well Jeff, since I plan on quitting and eating like a king tonight, I will take one for the team that has kept me in longer than I should have been after I stole food“.  Oh wait, that didn’t happen.  Instead, Holly stepped up and said she would sit out the challenge for the sake of the tribe, which sucks for her considering she hasn’t been winning very many challenges all season.

Holly looks the NaOnka sadly

Holly's look of disappointment

Needless to say, there was a lot of displeasure towards NaOnka’s selfishness, but for some reason nobody really called her on it except for Holly’s disappointed look you’d give to a child after they stole candy.   At this point I was kind of hoping NaOnka changed her mind just so she can eventually get fucked over sometime later in the game which would piss her off.

Teams went their separate ways with the winning tribe heading to the movie, and the losing tribe back to camp where Holly decided to make a last ditch effort to keep Kelly Purple in the game.   Look, Holly appears to be a solid person and definitely learned a lot from Jimmy when she was about to quit, but you’re in the final 10 and a player is talking about quitting, you let them quit!  I can understand that a bit though, it would certainly feel better to win the game against competitors than to beat a bunch of quitters, plus Holly appears to be too good of a person to see someone so young do something we all know she’s going to regret for the rest of her life.

Off to tribal they go with everyone wondering if the game is going to see not one, but two quitters tonight, a Survivor first.  This is the confusing part as Melinda pointed out to me… it appeared to be a full fledged tribal council, bringing in the jury and everything, but what happened if they both said they wanted to stay in the game?   They didn’t have an immunity challenge, nobody really talked strategy, and it appeared they weren’t ready for that situation at all.. so was the decision already made in writing before they even went to tribal, and they just decided to make a big production out of it for entertainment purposes?  The whole thing seemed very odd to me, and I was kind of hoping they would both stay in the game just so we can see what happens.

NaOnka looking crazy at tribal

She went out with a bang

After some last second pushes by both Holly and Jane, then some lecturing by Jeff which included finally calling out NaOnka for being extremely selfish by accepting the reward earlier in the day, it was decision time for the girls.  First Jeff asked NaOnka if her decision was final, and the answer remained the same..  Yes.    With one more person out of the game, the question is then brought to Kelly Purple who (supposedly) still had a chance to stay in the game, and her answer was the same as NaOnka’s.. Yes.   So not only would we have one quitter this season and this episode, but we’d have two.  And what do they win for quitting?  A nice luxury resort where they can spend the next week and a half laying by the pool, eating like a king and still being a part of the game deciding the fate of the final three.

NaOnka quits Survivor

Quitter Number 1

Kelly Purple quitting Survivor

Quitter Number 2

Personally I’d rather see them kick NaOnka and Kelly out of the game completely and bring in Jill and Yve to take their spots on the jury and enjoy the luxury resort with Alina, Marty and Brenda.   Although with competitors like those three on the jury, the ponderosa videos may actually be more entertaining than the show soon.  I’ll be posting those up later to find out!

It was both sad and frustrating to see two people quit the show that (tens of?) thousands apply to every season, and it’s no shock that at least one of them (Kelly Purple) was a recruited cast member opposed to an applicant.  I’m also fairly sure the other almost quitter (Dan) was also recruited, and based on how much trouble she caused, and how many times she almost quit, I wouldn’t be the least bit shocked to find out NaOnka was recruited as well.   I think it’s time that the show stop with the recruiting and just accept applications only, because then they may actually have a full cast of people who want to be playing.

Gallery below:


  1. Megan says:

    I’m not sure where to begin!
    Na’Onka is a DONKEY and I’m glad she’s gone. Hopefully back to the rat hole she crawled out of, never to be heard from again.
    Kelly is just a baby, plain and simple. She saw she had nothing going, felt left out by the vote and gave up.
    I’m appalled they are allowed to stay to be on the jury. Jeff’s blog mentioned it was allowed because they’ve allowed it before. I say who cares? It’s your show, send their asses home.
    I didn’t know they recruited contestants for the show. Are the contestants who apply that boring?

  2. […] after the big exit still went on, and it was time to catch up with the girls at Ponderosa to see more of their less […]

  3. stevebeans says:

    Yes Megan, every season lately they’ve had a handful of recruited contestants mixed in with regular applicants. I find it strange because I’m sure they have plenty of applicants who can fill all the needs they’re looking for (drama queen, pretty girls for ratings, etc).

  4. […] duty, since they forgot what show they’re on and think it’s Survivor, except that no one has quit yet, unless you count Antonia.  They both decide to put Nona up for elimination, no matter what, […]

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