Hell’s Kitchen – “This is a competition, not kindergarten.”

Before anything else can happen, Chef Ramsay tries to trick us with a little surprise!  He’s sending Melissa to the Blue Team and Trev to the Red Team.  Trev doesn’t appear to be very happy about this.

Trev gets switched to red team

Wasn’t it not too long ago that he was trying to schmooze with the Red Team to get on their good side?  Maybe he’s just upset that Gail hasn’t expressed her love for him yet.  Don’t worry, Trev, there’s still time.  Asking her periodically to make out with you is a good start.

The challenge for the morning is for each team to create 5 salads that will be judged by the Sarah Tenaglia, the Senior Food Editor of Bon Appetit magazine.

sarah tenaglia of bon appetit

Despite the fact that Jillian suddenly forgot how to make salad and keeps asking Trev for his opinions, to which is cementing in his mind that Gail’s idea of taking over the world might be a good one, both teams get their salads out.

First up are Boris and Gail.  Boris’s salad is greasy and I’m guessing it’s because he’s sweating all over the food.

boris sweating

Gail wins a point for the Red Team.

Next up are Rob and Nona.  At first, I thought Nona’s salad consisted of dead frogs, but it turned out to be quail.

quail salad

They look kind of a cute in a weird, twisted sort of way.  Rob’s salad wins and he scores a point for the Blue Team.

Vinny and Jillian are next and both of their salads are horrific.  Neither scores a point.  Then we have Russell and Sabrina.  Sabrina’s salad was likened to hot dogs (a hot dog salad?  Sign me up!), so Russell scored a point for the Blue Team.  Last are Trev and Melissa, and the first thing I notice is how insanely short Melissa is.

trev and melissa presenting salads

I totally thought she was kneeling on the floor.

Trev’s salad wins, which scores him a point for the Red Team.  To him, this means he’s the best person on the team and everyone else sucks.

The score is a tie!  Chef Ramsay asks Sarah Tenaglia which salad was the best of all and that will determine the winner of the challenge.  She chooses Rob’s salad, which means the Blue Team wins the challenge.  Their reward is a trip to The Getty Villa in Malibu and then Rob gets a special photo shoot for the cover of Bon Appetit magazine, since his salad won.  His salad will also be served with dinner that evening.  This sets Trev off again, because it’s everyone else’s fault that the Red Team lost.

At The Getty Villa, the Blue Team starts collectively hallucinating.  I’m starting to worry about them.

raj as a mummy


gail as a statue


nona as a statue


trev as a statue


Then it’s time for Rob’s photo shoot where Ramsay makes some fat jokes, which is actually really, really mean.  Never trust a skinny chef!  Isn’t that how the saying goes?

rob at bon appetit photo shoot

Back at Hell’s Kitchen, we get another episode of Fear Factor.  This time, the Red Team has to eat flowers for lunch, complete with bugs.  What have they done to deserve this sort of torture?  Too much whining by Trev and Sabrina?  Someone please take mercy on them.

flower salad

Dinner service!  The best part happens before we even get to start dinner service.  Trev is all, “Why is the broccolini in the garnish dish?”  Nona gives him this Look and is like, “Because that’s where it goes.” Trev is taken down a few notches and just replies with, “Really?”  How you like them apples, Trev?


Then Trev pretends this never happens and starts pretending he’s part of the Blue Team again, complaining non-stop about the Red Team.  I can’t even begin to tell you how much he’s getting on my nerves at this point.

Hell’s Kitchen will be hosting two VIP tables in the kitchen!  At the Red Team’s table, we have Kelli Williams.  At the Blue Team’s table, we have Mo Gaffney and Nancy Grahn.  I have never heard of any of these people.  Remember when they had Whoopi Goldberg on?  Yeah, good times.

Right away, we have Boris not focusing again. Teacher’s pet, Russell, keeps yelling at him to focus, but Boris is too busy sweating into the food and making faces that look like he’s constipated.  Gail, on the other hand, receives huge praise from Chef Ramsay.  Gail is pretty awesome.  Trev, deciding maybe he and Gail should be a team of two, does this secret handshake thing with her.

gail and trev secret handshake

I still don’t think you stand a chance, Trev.  She will never want to make out with you.

Suddenly, everyone is having issues with scallops!  Melissa can’t cook a scallop to save her life.  They keep getting sent back.  Nona can’t cook them either.  If you want my honest opinion, they’re better off.  I am not a scallop fan at all.  Since Nona had problems with the scallops twice, Ramsay figures it’s a good time to chew them out.  Check out the VIP table:

red team and vip table

She totally acts as if she’s watching a play.  It cracks me up.  So, anyway, Trev saves the day and gets the scallops out completely cooked.  But there’s still trouble on the Blue Team!  Melissa is messing up the scallops so much that she runs out.  That’s about 10 pounds of scallops that get thrown away.

melissa and scallop funeral

Obviously, she forgot what happened when she cooked too much steak the other night.  It never goes well when you cook too much food.  The salads are now going out with shrimp instead, which I would prefer, but that’s just me.

On the Red Team, Trev and Sabrina are getting into a screaming match over gnocchi.  Sabrina says it’s Trev’s fault that it’s not out yet, even though she’s the one on garnish.  I’ve come to realize that nothing is ever Sabrina’s fault.  She pretty much has a melt down and has to be yelled at by Ramsay.

sabrina yelling at trev

Wellington always seems like it gives people a hard time, but both Vinny and Trev get their Wellingtons out perfectly.  I’m sure Vinny’s was a little better though, because I like Vinny more.  Boris is still messing up the garnish though.  This guy pretty much can’t do anything right.  He gets kicked out of the kitchen yet again.  At least he didn’t try washing dishes in the middle of service this time.

The winning team is…no one!  Both teams have to pick one person to put up for elimination.

The Red Team picks Sabrina, because she’s their default elimination person, and the Blue Team puts up Boris.  Ramsay isn’t entirely happy with these nominations and asks Melissa and Nona to step forward.

nona, sabrina, melissa, and boris up for elimination

He has made his decision and the one going home is……..


I’m guessing they just can’t afford to keep her around anymore.  She throws away all their food.

melissa leaving


  1. Tara Shrodes says:

    Good review! I write about Hell’s Kitchen on CliqueClackTV
    I’ll tweet you if you tweet me?

  2. Melinda says:

    I retweeted you! (and I’m now following you on twitter). I love reading other reality blogs! 🙂 Yours was awesome. Loved the quotes! 😀

Leave a Reply