Erryn Cobb from MasterchefBecause I’m in love with my DVR, I tend to watch a lot of shows a day late, so while I know Master Chef is recording right now, I am blogging about last night’s episode because, well, I finally got around to watching it.

There are only a few shows I turn in roughly 15 minutes after it starts (to still prevent commercials!), and Master Chef is not one of them. It’s not a bad show, but it definitely doesn’t have the ‘wow factor’ to have me craving it as soon as it’s on.

The drama this season has been completely absurd with Max having a rivalry with half the contestants, then Suzy looking absolutely obnoxious, and now we’re going through the Christian phase.  Like Suzy, there will be some drama with him that night, he’ll act up, be put in his place, and we won’t hear from it again.

Despite the editing to make these guys appear annoying, the cast has been pretty enjoyable for the most part.  Derrick appears genuinely humble, Christine is always entertaining – especially after a few drinks, and Giuseppe seems like a great guy.   That being said, there have been a few invisible people this season, and they’re being slowly eliminated.

That brings us to Erryn Cobb, who finally had more than 2 seconds of speaking time this season, and anyone who has watched this show before knows that’s probably not a good sign when that happens (if they’re not one of the personalities of the show).

During the very creepy aphrodisiac segment of the episode (including Graham Elliot talking about going to 3rd base with a soup), Erryn completely screwed up his dish and had about 5 minutes to correct it.  Needless to say, the judges were less than thrilled when he gave them a plate with a few strips of meat and a few vegetables that had only a little bit of the $500 truffle inside it.

Despite the predictable scare to Jennifer and putting her in the bottom 3, Erryn was sent packing before he really got to be on the show. I know the editing can easily make a dickhead look amazing, and a great person look like shit, but the way Erryn handled his exit was truly one of the classier things we’ve seen on a reality show.  If that was edited properly, and he really did ‘take it like a man’, I applaud him for being a rare breed of class on these shows, and miss the dying breed that is an Erryn Cobb.

snooki looking terribly annoyingPeople have often asked my why I didn’t blog about the Jersey Show, and the picture above is why.  I absolutely hate the cast, especially their “stars” Mike Sorrentino (I can’t even type his nickname, it’s that stupid), and midget Snooki.   I will admit I watched some of the first season, when they all weren’t obnoxious and arrogant, but as we’re approaching the 5th season, what you see above is what you get.  Stupid boots, stupid glasses, and a permanent grin on her face like she’s the biggest star in the World.

Needless to say, I am thrilled MTV is finally ditching the cast after the 5th season, but I feel it’s probably 4 seasons too late.   They’ve made each one of them very wealthy, and gave them too much exposure, so now they’re pretending they have talent and are branching out in side projects.   This means it won’t be the last time we see Mike’s dopey face and horrible catch phrases, Snooki’s stupid boots or J-Woww prancing around like she’s the hottest girl on the planet despite being roughly 87.2% plastic at this point.

Image courtesy (I think?) of starcasm.

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While I’m on the subject of things I hate, let me talk about the NFL for a minute.  I’m sure some of you are sports fans, and are clueless about the details of the NFL lockout, let me just tell you, you’re lucky.  I’ve followed this lockout for some reason pretty closely, and let me basically sum it up for you.

Back in their last agreement, owners felt they were rushed into a deal and had to live with it until the first chance they had to opt-out, which is exactly what they did.    The billionaire owners were crying because their profits weren’t what they could have been, despite the fact that fans are paying to see the players on the field, not the owners.

When they opted out of the deal, this basically told players “We’re going to hold on to our billions until we not only get a deal that works, but it has to be in our favor to make up for the years we lost profit with the bad deal.  We know athletes are incredibly irresponsible with their money, so even at the sake of a lost season, we’re going to win because that’s how we became filthy rich in the first place”

Players realized this was happening, tried to drag it through the courts pretty much to no avail, and finally accepted that even as millionaires, they’ll always lose to billionaires.

This brings me to where we stand today, with both sides essentially on the verge of a new deal finally, yet taking every chance they can to screw it up and risk losing the season.  Countless times from both sides I hear the line “We’re doing everything we can to get a deal done” which is absolute bullshit.  Both sides sat on their hands until the final hours of the initial deal expiring to even talk, took weeks off between meetings while the courts played out, and now have been meeting roughly 2 times per week for the last month or so despite being pretty close.

That’s everything you can do?  Seriously?  You have a kajillion fans praying the season happens this year, and the people in charge can only meet twice a fucking week?  What are they doing the other five days?  Oh wait, even though near $10 billion a year is on the line, they can’t negotiate on weekends.. I’m sorry NFL.   Ok then, what about the other three days then?  Let’s say you love acquiring airline miles and have to travel to the meetings every week, but can’t do it on weekends, that still should leave the third day available to talk, right?   What am I missing here?    Does the NFL thing fans are that dumb?   One thing is certain, if this deal doesn’t pass, or even worse, if it falls apart, I’m done with the NFL this year, and I hope others do the same.   We have the power to get a deal done, we pay all the bills!

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Penny Davidi from Food Network StarI can’t have a list of things I hate without mentioning Penny Davidi from Next Food Network Star.   I like this show, but she grates on my nerves.  We get it, you have rivalries with everyone, and you think you’re some sexy cougar.   Newsflash, you’re not.   You’d be considered a pretty hot cougar if you were like 55 years old or something, but you’re only 39 and look every day of that age.   Pretty harsh, I know, but one of my major pet peeves is when people just toss themselves into certain categories (or give themselves nicknames – I’m looking at you, Mike Sorrentino).

You can’t just be a sexy cougar because you call yourself one.  It doesn’t work that way.   In order to be considered sexy, you have to be sexy, and in order to be a cougar, you have to go around and date younger guys.    So if we see her on the red carpet some day with an 18 year old guy, I take back what I said about her not being a cougar, but I won’t take back the part about her not being sexy.

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MasterchefSpeaking of cooking shows and fake drama, please give it a rest MasterChef.   How many different people will Max Kramer hate during this season?  And do we really need to see his face after every one of his “rivals” (ie, everyone) gives the judges a good dish?  Stop with this fake drama bullshit.

While I’m on the subject, I’m glad to see Joe Bastianich hasn’t changed at all since season 1.  He’s still trying to be the “bad guy”, including his little rant the other night when Jennifer served raw pork.  How fake was that rant?

“Wah wah you served me raw pork, and if this was an elimination round I’d throw you out, but instead I’m going to completely humiliate you so I can try to help ratings”

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There you have it, a few of my rants that have been building up recently but didn’t think they deserved their own blog post, so instead, they get meshed into one like they deserve.  

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I started watching MasterChef later in the season, so I really have no clue about the format other than it tries hard to not be Hells Kitchen while still being a cooking show, until of course they do team matches and even do Red and Blue teams, but whatever.

One thing that annoys me on the show is the judge Joe Bastianich.  Sure, you may own like a thousand wineries and restaurants, so I’m sure you have your credentials, but enough with the dick act.  Just because Gordon Ramsey is actually pretty nice on the show doesn’t mean  you have to step in as the token douchebag on the show.  We get it, you’re trying to make a name for yourself like Ramsey did a few years back when Hells Kitchen first came out, but the spot for a cooking host who isn’t scared to speak his mind has been filled, and he stands next to you every episode.

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